Existential Dread

I am 24 and I feel like I have done nothing with my life. When I was 18, I thought that I would’ve had my life together by now, but I don’t. I’m watching my friends graduate from school, have kids, get married or just move out of their parent’s house. I keep thinking “When am I going to be able to do that for myself?” And I feel like I’ve failed myself. It's

miserable.

I think about how my 18-year-old self would see me today and I wonder if she would be proud of me. What would have been considered successful to her? I’ve accomplished things that seemed impossible then, but it doesn’t seem like enough. I don’t have my bachelor's and I still live at my mom’s house.

I’ve been published, I was a Photopass photographer at the Magic Kingdom, I’ve gone on this journey of self-discovery and learned so much about myself. And that can be considered successful, but it still isn’t enough for me.

Watching people like Ashley from Best Dressed live the life I’ve always dreamed of makes me feel like crap. I thought I would be in New York by now, but I’m still here. New York seems like a dream.

Another surprising side-effect of turning 24 is how old I feel. I know accomplishing things by a certain age is a construct of society, but it still sucks. I still want to get married, have kids and I feel like I don’t have enough time. Like there isn’t enough time in a life-span to accomplish everything I want to do.

Everyone has their own journey, and this is mine. I have made strides and I need to just keep working towards what I want. Right?

Get updates on new posts!

Proudly created with Wix.com

  • Black Facebook Icon
  • Black YouTube Icon
  • Black Instagram Icon
  • Black Pinterest Icon